So I will not give you any advice, but if you don't mind, I will tell you what my 10 years as a middle school teacher and school counsellor taught me: I know that if a boy and girl want to spend time together, they will, parents permission or not, whether they go to the same school together or not, whether they live in the same city or not. I know that your child wants you to know what is going on with her.
Offer to drive them to the movie (somebody has to if they are only 14, right? (Not near them.) When my son was younger most of his friends found this OK, as long as I didn't talk to them or act like I knew them. And then today I read your request, I guess it is what moms go through. I know that you are very blessed to have an open relationship with your child.
If I could magically go back in time and have a conversation with my 15-year-old-self, these are the 13 things I would make sure that she knew: 1. People will tell you that you’re too young to be in love. And unless you are part of a very small percent of the population, you will be incredibly thankful for this. Figure out what you want in a partner and save the “through sickness and health, till death do us part” until you’re older. The truth is that you either save yourself, or you remain unsaved. I know you think you are supposed to be tough and stick it out through the bad times. Sex also brings with it an incredible amount of stress as a teenager. I know you want to believe that people can change, but in time you will learn that unless someone works hard, often with a professional therapist or counselor, for a long period of time, people only change for time periods and then they fall back into the same habits.
Some people stay with their high school sweethearts and get married and have babies and everything’s wonderful, but the truth is that the first person you fall in love with is most likely not the person you want to spend your whole, entire life with. Years from now, you will regret the things you didn’t do, not the times you missed out on something to hang out with a boy (or girl) you probably don’t even talk to anymore. It’s glorified in movies and tv shows and books, but in reality this belief will keep you trapped. The time you waste being unhappy is time you will never get back. If someone pressures you, or forces you to do anything that you are not comfortable with, it is abuse.
Try new things and keep discovering what makes you the wonderfully weird person that you are. If you want to play a sport, join the band, be in a club, go to the movies, hang out with friends, take a trip to visit your family, DO IT. Just like anything else in life, you are learning a lot of things for the first time.
Second, it is not your responsibilty to save anyone else. When you fall in love with someone you want to be there for them and make them happy. You don’t want to give up on something or feel like a quitter and you are afraid that saying you deserve better means that you are selfish. Make sure that you have all the information possible about birth control, risks, STDS, etc.
I want to support her to start thinking through some of this for herself, but whereas she used to have very good judgment, these days she's running on low self esteem and hormones and I believe would follow anybody home who told her she had beautiful eyes. I talked to her about birth control and safe sex and she clearly was not ready. She went to his house once or twice, all when parents were home. When she has been out later with others I often pick her up (the joys of cell phones! I guess when there is another boyfriend I will want to meet him also.
( And yes, we've been addressing the low esteem for years.)She has no experience with dating. I say I could get behind that better if he would stop commenting on her physical beauty and if she would stop gushing. When she saw him I kept my cell phone on and when they were alone for the first time and he was pressuring her for sex, she called me and I picked her up immediately. I think it's a matter of what you are comfortable with and what she wants too.Jan 2008 My 15 year old daughter informed me yesterday that she's been texting an 18 year old boy she met at the bus stop. At the time, I talked with her about ''the dangers'' while also validating how good it felt to have someone notice you etc. So, now they're texting and she's grinning and blushing and feeling all special . ) On the other hand, my saying that will only encourage her as she is seriously rebelling these days.She had told me about him a month ago, telling me that this really cute guy kept approaching her to talk with her. I tried talking with her about it but she was angry that I was ruining her fantasy and finally said ''Fine! '' which I trust about as much as I trust George W. Any feedback from parents who have been through this? Sign me as: conflicted mother My daughter started seeing a 15 year old boy (on the water polo team)when she was 15 and I had her keep her door open when he came over and requested that his parents do the same. I always ask her to be home by dark, no matter what she's doing, out of not wanting her to walk around alone at night because it's not safe. I offered to give him a ride home but he didn't want one.But he wasn’t ready yet to surrender his role as a parent. Just what role should parents play to steer a child away from the traps in the most popular sport for many teens—the dating game? For us, dating or courting is a small part of the overall process of determining God’s will for discovering your life partner in marriage.He hoped the conversation he was about to initiate would help close that gap. ” he asked, struggling to disguise the wobble he felt in his voice. Bill gripped the steering wheel and shot a glance into her eyes. Bill and his wife had talked before with Julie about God’s standards about sex, but soon she would be dating and making moral choices on her own. They were just a block from home, so gently but firmly, Bill pressed the final question: “Well then, would you mind telling me how far you intend to go? ” He stopped the car a few feet short of the driveway and feigned a look into the mailbox. If he had waited for a month, he wouldn’t have been ready for what she said. In our family the focus has not been on dating, but more on training our teens in their character and in how to develop a relationship with the opposite sex.He had prayed for an opportunity to talk to her alone—without her three brothers around. “Oh, okay,” Julie replied, in cryptic teenage fashion. “Have you thought through how far you are going to go, physically, with the opposite sex? They wanted to encourage her to make the right ones. He knew his wife always got the mail, but Julie was acting like a basketball team ahead by one point in the fourth quarter, hoping the clock would run out. Our teens do not go out on a date every Friday and Saturday night.