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"I didn't press charges but he went into rehab for three months.

I imagine a terror dome of single women, scaling a mountain of liars and cheaters and weak chin and halitosis-havers, heels and weave flying, to claw their way to this elusive One.

Further, how can we compete with couples -- who are presented as the ideal -- in the great arena of happiness?

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She's here from LA to organise a heavy metal festival but she could feasibly be a lady of leisure fixing a whist drive. For 20 years, Sharon Osbourne has been married to Ozzy, the Black Sabbath singer and heavy rock demigod.

Until, that is, this self-effacing, almost prim woman begins to tell a few stories. It's well documented that their union hit a low in August 1989, when the star returned from playing, ironically, a peace festival in Moscow.

Regardless of how many "successful matches" websites like Ok Cupid, Match.com, and EHarmony (and more terrifyingly, Christian Mingle and Jdate) claim, they are selling us a truly narrow conception of love.

They encourage us to undertake a relentless quest for the "perfect match," to find "the one," or even, most absurdly, our "soulmate." There is a special place in the Hall of Smarm for the asshat who coined the term "soulmate." Granted, I am writing from a heterosexual female perspective, and I can only speak from that experience, so extrapolate what you will.

It already has a track record with its Wo Jo® upholstery fabrics brand created from recycled jute fibre from coffee sacks blended with New Zealand wool.

But the wool-rice straw blended textile appears to have a much bigger future.

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