by Jonesi Everyone is entitled to their own opinions regarding love, relationships and marriage. But while reading the article, “What Black Men Think (When They Think About Women)”, in the latest issue of a popular black magazine, I was shocked and appalled by the advice given by a married man in a group discussion. ”, it was this response that left me speechless: “I went to undergrad down in Nashville, Tennessee State.
A brother down there told me something that I now quote to my peers, my students: “Don’t ever marry a woman who doesn’t have a father, because she has no clue how to treat a man.
This is how she develops a healthy familiarity with what a positive expression of love feels like.
This is how she develops an appreciation for her own looks, her own body.
Research shows that women are specifically damaged in their ability to have healthy love relationships due to the absence of their father at some point in their life.
Women are likely to have unhealthy love relationships due to insecurity: caused by the emotional absence of a father throughout childhood.
I mean, you can say culture, you can say race, but you still can’t get with a woman who doesn’t know fatherhood.” I initially wanted to dismiss this as another isolated and sensationalized commentary given to add some sort of shock value.
I was proven wrong when the exact same comment was uttered in my presence.
As a child, I clearly knew I missed my father terribly.
But I had no idea just how much missing him would impact my relationships with men.
Belief in the Self Clearly, self confidence and self esteem can be forged through one's own endeavors during the life course, even if a father has not been present, but the path to success in such endeavors, and the reasons for which they are even attempted, tend to be quite different in the adult woman who was raised with a positive relationship to her father, as opposed to the one who was not.
The former may excel simply because she believes in herself, while the latter needs to excel in order to catch a glimpse of approval and recognition in the eyes of those who give her a message of approval, honor, or prestige.
Having no idea I was still silently mulling over what I just read the week before, I sat quietly.