The typical scenario where a woman will label a guy a “commitment phobe” is when he’s been seeing a girl for a while – they spend the majority of their time together, they eat together, they sleep together and so forth…he won’t commit in an official sense. For most guys, he won’t catch feelings for the girl as long as he never looks to her for emotional support.
That’s usually when they’ll come to me looking for answers. First, I can tell you right off the bat that he’s not a “commitment-phobe.” That term was invented by some psychologist to diagnose .0001% of the population for a very specific, extreme condition. Most likely scenario: The placeholder relationship. Once a guy starts leaning on a girl emotionally, he starts becoming attached to her on an emotional level.
I mean, how funny is it to want something, drive yourself crazy fantasizing about it every day, and then when you finally get it, drop it like last year's Ugg boots? I remember all the heartache, the drama, the feeling that I just had to find someone or die trying, all the classes I took and all the insecurities I had, like maybe I was unlovable. He was everything I thought I wanted — good-looking, stable, nice, secure, funny. I can't help regretting all that time I spent agonizing over my relationships and worrying about being alone.
So months or years go by and the girl just figures (even after all this time) that if she just loves him enough, he’ll be strong enough to love her back.
At this point, she’s in deep too – she’s invested so much into a relationship that she hopes will someday happen, but has yet to ever make its debut into reality.
They’re afraid of being tied down to one person and what that could mean for their future. But at least one good thing came out of my having to deal with all those men with commitment phobia—I learned the different ways to tell if he is a commitment phobe right from the get-go.
And lucky for you, I’ll divulge those secrets to you so you don’t have to go through the same struggles that I did.
Firstly, she says that people with these traits tend to be afraid of being hurt because of their experience of past relationships so this is a great place to start.
If they’ve been in a previous relationship that ended badly or their parents separated venomously they might be less likely commit out of fear.
It’s a waste of time and it’s honestly an emotional hardship.
There’s only so much non-committal drama a person can handle before they snap. I have wasted a great deal of time pining for guys who are huge commitment phobes.
The problem is they say they want to be in a committed relationship, but then they go about doing everything to sabotage their chances for love. Furman was invited on TODAY to discuss her book and how women can overcome their fears of being in a serious relationship.
Census Bureau reports single women are the fastest-growing segment of the American population, with more than 47 million, 22 million of whom are between 25 and 44. Many single women actively choose to be alone, says Elina Furman, author of the new book, “Kiss and Run”.
Or those women who go on ad infinitum about their careers, the joys of living solo, and no-strings sex, only to collapse in a weeping heap when a guy doesn't call when he says he will.