’ I’m surprised how many people – both women and men – write to me because they’re worried that they ‘ought’ to date someone they’re not attracted to, and to insist on attraction would be superficial and un Godly.Certainly, the Bible tells us that God looks not at outward appearances, but at the heart.
We are to take every thought, every area of our lives captive to the word of God.
Thankfully, "attraction" does play a role in finding a husband or wife. Biblically, however, attraction as the world understands it cannot be the foundation on which a godly marriage is built.
Candice wrote a reply that encapsulates the aspects the I find most infuriating about Christian dating advice: namely, that physical attraction is this sort of either/or thing that you can only count on for a couple of years, and then you plummet directly into companionate love for the rest of your life, never to feel any heat again, but that’s okay because your companionate love is so rich and deep that you’ll never miss being hot for each other except those six times you have sex per year.
Okay, that’s my paraphrase, but what other conclusion can one draw from a reply that begins thusly: If only it were that simple! Every marriage moves beyond the new-love, high-octane phase eventually, according to Psychologist Dorothy Tennov.
For example, I recently sent the Boundless article “” to one of my single guy friends.
Here’s what he had to say about it: I agree, but what about the spark?
(Longtime readers of my blog can probably tell you Candice Watters’ opinion on the topic, and my opinion of Candice Watters’ opinion on the topic.) Basically, the reader says she forwarded the infamous “Brother, You’re Like a Six” Boundless article to a single male friend whom she felt needed the ~advice, and he wrote her back a lengthy reply that basically reads like typical manospherian reasoning on the subjects of looks, chemistry, and attraction.
Since this reply from the horse’s mouth wasn’t good enough for Reader, who believes men are “swayed heavily by…our culture” and “secular standards about who to pursue,” she went to Candice to get the answer she wanted to hear.
These are all preferences that are taken into consideration (by both sexes) when choosing a spouse. Every marriage moves beyond the new-love, high-octane phase eventually, according to Psychologist Dorothy Tennov.