Queer communities are often small and insular, and once you've found one, you tend to hold on to it for dear life.It's difficult to meet people you're romantically interested in beyond an already-defined circle, and outside of your city's queer scene, most people you run into are likely to be straight.
This rule is almost never stated or enforced among queer communities.
If you're gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend's ex at some point.
“Even if the two of them have split, emotions take a while to heal, so it’s unlikely that the friend is going to be okay with it.” But not all relationship experts see it this way.
“It’s ok to move in if they are estranged and no longer in love and divorcing,” says matchmaker Marla Martenson. It could be right under your nose, and circumstances have to shift for things to evolve.” As Martenson points out, “It’s a delicate situation, but why let a potential love match get away?
You’re into it, he’s into it, there’s some serious chemistry, and you might have stumbled upon something really special. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma.
Now, you’re faced with a most unenviable predicament: Walk away from someone who could end up being the love of your life, or put one of your friendships in jeopardy.
And there certainly are times when people who go down this path find that it really wasn’t worth it.
But if you’re wondering how to go about dating your friend’s ex, and you think the pursuit might really have potential, don’t worry, you are not a terrible person.
Lots of people have told me unequivocally that they would never date a friend's ex.
They wholeheartedly believe that it's wrong, disrespectful, and if a friend did that to them, they'd never talk to that person again.
I have seen people make these mistakes over and over again (in my five years of experience helping people with breakups). I highly recommend you read the entire article because it will not only help you understand what you should do but also why you should do it.