To my surprise, the last man taught me that the last nine years have not been a waste.Being single does not mean that I am not of value to society (which is what I had been thinking).
I know that the overriding majority of women that get in touch with me and mention the word ‘loneliness’ are also lonely when they have a man in their life.
In fact, I know people who feel just as alone in a room full of people, nevermind one on one with a man.
And I didn’t have to look far to see many of my role models and contemporaries following suit.
Failed marriages and relationships that fell apart like a strand of dominos over the years, all to the Western tune of: “That rotten, no good, cheating son of a, and he even took the dog! While you’re busy trying to sort out who really did what, whose responsibility your life actually is, and healing your heart, I offer you some “here and now” antidotes to feeling desperately lonely. Two and three o’clock in the morning are when they hit me the worst.
During that time, I have also tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to find someone else to be a part of my personal life.
I met someone else just five months ago, and after a very difficult dating period of three and half months, I ended it. So essentially, I have been single for nine years now.
A couple of days back, I asked the question, ‘If you’re healing, why are you dating?
’ in response to the repeated problems that I see arising when we’re not prepared to spend some dedicated to focusing on ourselves and dealing with the issues that are impacting on our self-esteem and the possibility of happiness, whether that is on our own…or with someone else.
When she told her friend what she had done her friend pointed out that she had a small child to feed, and reminded her she had just lost her job—and, incidentally, two other boyfriends just like this one.
She quickly replied in her defense that he believed in Karma.
I got used to my role as the "Single One" — I was even OK with it.