It’s one thing to share publicly that I am a survivor of sexual violence because that isn’t my fault.But there is a level of humiliation and trepidation that I hold when participating in this series because we’re taught that being single our fault.This piece is Wagatwe Wanjuki’s first dispatch from the front lines of her romantic life for the #Its Totally Me dating series, which follows Establishment writers Wanjuki and Katie Klabusich as they utilize professional matchmakers and the insights of various experts to get to the bottom of their perpetual singledom. So the response to the inaugural #Its Totally Me post has been overwhelming — but definitely positive!
Online dating has never been more popular than it is now, and it's not uncommon anymore to actually know someone who managed to develop a successful relationship after signing up on a dating site and using it to meet up with potential matches.
The biggest platforms like Match, Zoosk, e Harmony, Plenty of Fish and Ok Cupid have millions of monthly users, but a sizeable user base and a dominant spot in the market doesn't mean they've ultimately cracked the code when it comes to solving everyone's love lives.
Despite its popularity, not everyone's experience with online dating is positive. ’ I would try to edit my profile to be what I thought guys wanted. You really have no idea who they are and what they're about or if you have any chemistry.
Plenty of women are opting out of the "efficiency" of the swipping world, instead choosing to find a date the old-fashioned way. I would type, delete, type again, delete, etc., like I didn't know who I was in real life. You're just asking these basic questions wondering when it's cool to really be yourself.
"I was constantly overthinking what I had typed in my profile or what I was sending in a message to a guy. Over time, I began to feel like I was losing my true self in the quest to be the girl with the perfect profile, and I decided it wasn't worth the stress and sacrifice of losing and/or hiding who I am.""I was sick of constant disappointment or men that wanted to text forever. But that's the thing -- you can't really be yourself online." "Online dating gave me exactly what I wanted: practice going on dates with strangers and trusting my instincts about the men I met.
When I would see something in a guy's profile that he liked in a woman, I would think ‘Hey! What I did not like was that it felt extremely contrived, as if I was online shopping.
Just take a look at the following list to see what I mean.
Also recommended: 10 Tinder-like matchmaking apps for almost anything Tired of maintaining all those high standards and big expectations in your quest to find an ideal mate?
Singles want more options these days, and it's paved the way for new online dating services to pop up on the Internet -- many of which take much more specific approaches to matching people up other than by looking at any two users' profile information and finding similarities between them.
You might be surprised to find out what kind of strange, highly niche-specific dating services there are now available, with more popping up all the time.
So I’m glad to be the “sacrificial lamb” of sorts and use my personal experience to dig into some of the microaggressions single folk face regularly.